Sometimes You Just Need a Fresh Start…and Fast
My blood soaked, previously white home jersey was ripped almost entirely down the front, exposing my flannel long johns which were now missing the top two buttons; a third hanging on by a thread. My mouth was bloodied, but I couldn’t tell if it was from my nose bleed, my loosened teeth or both. My right eye was starting to swell shut. My stringy, sweaty hair was matted to my face. My head felt like I’d had too many beers the night before. The ribs on my right side felt like I’d walked through a plate glass window. My left shoulder, always prone to dislocating, didn’t respond when I tried to take off my jersey.
Despite all the pain, as I assessed the damage in the mirror, I couldn’t help but smile
It wasn’t a Jack Nicholson a la “Here’s Johnny” smile, but it was close. It was the kind of smile you get when you’ve figure something out; the kind of smile meant only for yourself. I needed a change and I knew it. And, I’d finally admitted it to myself.
My most pressing concern in that moment was my teeth. The lower front four were not where they’d been earlier in the day. They too, were hanging on by a thread, my tongue confirming we had a problem.
I was still smiling when the trainer came in carrying my helmet and gloves, “The police are waiting for you out front.” Hmm. It was me who’d taken the beating. My smile was starting to fade a bit. “Really?” I said, though I knew the reason why.
When you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere to go but up
I hadn’t started the fight, but I didn’t skate away either. As my gloves came off, I grabbed my opponent’s jersey. Control in a hockey fight is vitally important. Strange as it may seem, you want to hold the guy and punch him at the same time.
Now, ordinarily each ref would grab one guy and the fight would be soon be over. Not on that night, though. On that night, both refs grabbed me, leaving me unable to defend myself. To say I was getting the shit beat out of me would be an understatement. Thankfully, my jersey tore and I was finally able to break free, enraged over being used as a punching bag.
In that moment, I made the biggest mistake of my young life
Now free from the fracas, I spun around to the two referees who’d been holding me. I will never forget the look on the ref’s face as I grabbed him with both hands and gave him a quick shove. I watched as his ass hit the ice and he slid backwards, both feet splayed in the air. It almost seemed comical. Almost.
Knowing what would come next, that I would likely be ejected, I started skating towards the locker room, shaking my head “No” to the people who were cheering. Unfortunately, the people cheering were my friends.
The ref didn’t get hurt, though I’m guessing his pride took a big hit. Still shaking my head and glancing back, I felt sorry for him as he struggled to get up. He was visibly shaken if nothing else.
The ref I hadn’t shoved blew his whistle and yelled “Game misconduct, number 23.”
Back to the police and the rest of the story
So, there I was, staring at myself in the mirror, my smile now more like a half-smile. I could hear my uncle saying “Jackie, today is the first day of the rest of your life…” In that moment I finally understood what he meant. You might say it hit me. If today really was the first day of the rest of my life then tomorrow would be, too. I didn’t want any more days like today so I decided to be pretty excited about tomorrow, and the next day and the next day… All I needed to do was get this day over with.
The plan came together pretty quickly. Using only my right arm, I stripped off the rest of my gear and threw it in my bag. I gave the trainer my hockey bag and asked him to carry it on his shoulder past the police. I exited out the back door of the arena and ran the nearly 3 miles home, barefoot, wearing nothing but a pair shorts. There was fresh snow on the ground.
I was pretty sure, since nobody but me was hurt, the authorities were not going to press charges, or so I hoped.
Like most nights, I knew my friends would all make their way to my house and that night was no exception. Running home, I knew I needed a fresh start. As much as I loved my friends, I knew the best way to get on with my life was simply to leave.
My new life would start in Los Angeles
My friends brought beer and money. By the time they all left, I had sold them everything I owned with the exception of my hockey gear (which my friends had grabbed from the trainer). At 3AM, a little punky, a lot sore and cautiously optimistic about my new life, I fell asleep. I awoke to the first day of the rest of my life.
I left town with $278 to my name and headed for California. Hope had sprung eternal…
That was December 17, 1983